i am a weapon of massive consumption...

but it's not my fault it's how i'm programmed to function.

okay so, 

i'm only halfway through 

and i'm sure i've eaten at LEAST 

three times as many sprinkles and white chocolate chips 

as i have vanilla fro-yo.

i have a serious problem. 

p.s.

i got my final paycheck from banana republic in the mail yesterday and i'm going to BUUUUUY SHIIIIIT!!!

(i started with pre-ordering the new lily allen album)

that is all.

oops... i did it again

yeah...

love me hate me say what you want about me, 

but all of the boys and all of the girls,

are begging to if you seek amy.

that had nothing to do with the rest of the post,

but every time i think of britney,

that's what happens in my head.

SIX DAYS TO FOREVER21!!!

stand with my heart out

twenty dollars in my wallet

got know where to go but home

hear your voice closing around me

through the letters that you wrote,

wrote a song and called it patience

you're in every thought i hold

weighed beside a one way ticket

see if love's as strong as gold

stand with my heart out

cause i've always wondered

if you won't say no dear

when i call out your name to sing with me

walk along a crooked highway 

cause i don't have the strength i show

see you every night beside me

through your letters to my hope

but i sit here in my sorrow

will you wait until tomorrow?

when i call and say

i'm at your door

stand with my heart out

cause i've always wondered

then you won't say no dear

when i call out your name, you sing with me

her name is keirsten holine,

give her a listen.

http://www.myspace.com/kierstenholine

for the first time in a very long time,

i know, i'll be okay...

1) i'm newly re-obssesed with my soft toned girl singers,

it's kiersten and emily and laura and meiko all over the place!

2) today was basically the best day i've had since i moved back down here.

i got a job at forever21

(they're opening a new one in the mall so it's permanent!)

then when i was getting a duplicate social security card

(you have to have it for orientation)

it started to rain,

and if you know me and this town,

then you know how rare and fantastic that is.

my new card will be here in two weeks,

and my orientation is on the 2nd.

p.s.

that reminds me, 

since i'll be halfway down on the 2nd anyway,

i'm going to visit a boy from my past...

i don't want to jinx anything, 

but i will say it's not who any of you think it is.

more on that later.

i'm in a love affair, without a love song.

i have an appointment for mitchell tomorrow,

i can't believe i've been without his lap warming embrace for over a week.

(or a sentiment that isn't totally creepy)

coat watch 01'09 starts monday,

you don't know how much i'm looking forward to this

(well you kind of do now)

a lot of people don't understand my relationship with clothing,

but of all the things you have no power over,

your clothing is something that is unwaveringly your own.

if you don't want to wear something,

you don't have to,

you can dress to match your mood,

the occasion, 

the season,

or (most often) the weather.

when things start to spin out of control,

i think it's important hold on to anything that's just yours.

even if it's small.

even if it only makes sense to you.

even if it's all you have.

it's yours.

p.s.

doubt is an amazing movie. end of story.

i sold my soul to jesus and since then i've had no fun.

the new year has gotten off to a rather positive start for the most part;

not to mention oozing laura marling.

on the 15th i go to chicago 

(and i've made appropriate wardrobe purchases for the occasion)

on the 16th i will officially no longer work at best buy

(maybe my soul will finally get time to recuperate 

from the slow steady crushing it's had to endure in the past months.)

who knows what comes next.

but i am hoping for something big in 2009;

even jesus would say i'm due for something good.

good riddance 2008.

p.s.

this is my first post of 2009

and my 100th post thus far.

why not celebrate it by looking back at the past year and change?

it's what i did.

oh and p.p.s

these are the things i bought for the trip;

(in case you were wondering)

they very well may be the best purchases i've made to date.

no your eyes are not playing tricks on you,

it is a purple cropped trench coat.

(and i have the only one in all of america)

you don't really care for music; do you?

obligatory christmas blog!!!

or should i say o-blog-itory?

i shouldn't.

i went to my brother's again for dinner this year,

we played board/dvd/shouting-at-the-television-over-one-another games,

my nephews and brothers told jokes only people that love them would laugh at.

per usual.

it wasn't terrible,

but it wasn't terrific.

per usual.

i'm excited for the days when i'll spend my holidays with friends at our apartments,

i feel like the year that i have thanksgiving at my house is the year i'll be truly grown up.

ahh future, how you tease me.

so as i head off to bed;

 (i have to be at work at 7 in the morning)

i'll leave you with this my lovelies

i'm on the 7 o'clock to chicago

i need to return two vests and a trench coat to forever 21.

also 

on the 15th of january i'm going to CHICAGO!

in other news:

i have two five hour layovers

(one on the flight to chicago, one on the way back)

so i'll have to come up with 10 hours of shit to do in an airport...

yay?

p.s.

my flight is actually at 6:45.

give me something i want to be: retro glamour.

i've had an epiphany,

a fashion epiphany.

i find all i can think about is this monogram coat

after working at h&m and banana republic,

i've noticed my tastes have changed,

my obsessions have gone from cute hoodies and boot cut jeans...

to waist, pea, and trench coats.

(both double breasted and macintosh)

i'm not upset about it per say,

it's actually really exciting.

the only problem...

the coat pictured above costs FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

so there's that.

f.y.i.

i care about natalie and caitlin more than you know.

this thing it breaks my heart

music is worthless unless it can make a completely stranger break down and cry...

it's only just started, but you can't be close enough unless i'm feeling your heartbeat...

creep up and tell me that you love me more each time you look into my eyes...

my feelings are nothing but a curtain, hiding me from what i should know...

the people i've met are the wonders of my world...

by protecting my heart truly i got lost in the sound...

your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures...

everything is going to be okay someday soon...

these songs they plague me more than i can say...

all is fair in love and we're in love...

the rain cam pouring down and now i'm drowning in my tears...

the state lane felt like the berlin wall and there is no doubt about which side i'm on...

have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?

i don't need anybody telling me that i can...

i best tidy up my head i'm the only one in love...

i've been trying to be anything other than me...

i look to you for saving but you're saving someone else...

your eyes tell a whole other story...

close to the edge, fall into my arms, fall in love...

i'll cover us both, you can leave that to me...

everyone inside the mechanism is yearning to get out...

i long for something more than you, i long for something more than me in my head...

the best part of believe is the lie...

the world can spin so madly, and love can end so badly...

we've both got blood on our hands, i won't claim innocence...

don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future...

you look half dead half the time...

finish what you started...

the take over the sweeping insensitivity of this still life...

all good things end badly, if they ever end at all...

i hear in my mind all these voices, all these words, all this music, and it breaks my heart...

my fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation, and i know that i should let go, but i can't...

these words did not come from me,

they came from the brains of people much greater than myself,

they came accompanied by melodies and choruses,

they came to me and made me feel,

they came to me and were there when i needed them most,

so now i'm doing the only logical thing i can think of,

i'm offering them to you.

i learned fast how to keep my head up

you should know that you're just a temporary fix,

this is not rooted with you,

it don't mean that much to me.

i'm over it,

i'm so not over it,

but i've resigned myself to the idea,

that i will no longer let myself go to a place,

where i allow him to upset me so much.

things are the way they are,

and there's nothing i can really do,

nothing productive anyway.

i've got a job interview on the 5th

and an orientation on the 8th.

things are looking up.

but...

although i think that i know things may never change,

i'm still hoping someday i might here you say:

i make you feel a way you've never felt before,

and i'm all you need and that you never want more,

then you'll say all of the right things without a clue,

and you'll be the one for me and me the one for you.

p.s.

mistakes aren't always regrets.

p.p.s.

i cannot wait for garlic bread and laughter.

we'd be good, we'd be great together.

i think i may love him...

why'd you have be so cute?

it's impossible to ignore you.

must you make me laugh so much?

it's bad enough we get along so well.

goddamnit

what if you never, ever called.

it's been a good few days,

i got a job,

a new phone,

a hard drive,

and a car stereo,

all for my birthday.

i'm officially 19 bee tee double you,

at least on the outside,

on the inside i'm still a slightly immature 28 year old.

just because i'm amazed by it,

i'll show you this...

my cell phone made that shit.

if you're amazed,

then i feel the same way you do.

if you're not,

then there's something wrong with you,

p.s.

i peed in a cup today.

that is all.

you don't know me at all.

dear friend,

all my shows start soon,

i went over to melissa's today,

we watched some behind the scenes stuff from ugly betty,

which of course made me UBER excited for the new season.

i love this week,

the first week all the shows come back,

setting the stage for all new seasons,

even more so after last year's strike.

(which broke my heart more than i'd like to admit)

i still wish i had a job though,

i don't really need the money right now,

but waiting for november is proving more tedious than i originally planned.

then there's the possibility i wont even get the job once i'm ale to apply again,

of course i hope i do,

it's part of the new life plan i've come up with.

(more on that once i've worked out the kinks)

till next time,

roger

p.s.

did you ever wish you could un-experience something?

just so you could feel it happen all over again.

i've been getting that feeling a lot lately.

it's not that i don't know why,

i just wish it were possible.