i'd burn the city down to show you the light.

MARK MY WORDS;

EVEN IF IT KILLS ME;

IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO,

I WILL OWN THESE BOOTS!!!

question, tell me what you think about this

what happens when i find him?

the guy who's sweet and thoughtful,

with his dark hair and light in his eyes.

then what happens if he loves me back?

we love all the same songs,

and hate things in the same ways.

then what happens if he decides i'm not enough,

we're not enough,

or worse, what if something horrible happens to him?

what do i do then?

who am i afterwards?

how do i get better, once i've had the best?

and finally,

is it crazy to miss a place that you've never been?

because i do;

it's all i can think about,

and some days, it's the only thing that keeps me sane.

i'm in a love affair, without a love song.

i have an appointment for mitchell tomorrow,

i can't believe i've been without his lap warming embrace for over a week.

(or a sentiment that isn't totally creepy)

coat watch 01'09 starts monday,

you don't know how much i'm looking forward to this

(well you kind of do now)

a lot of people don't understand my relationship with clothing,

but of all the things you have no power over,

your clothing is something that is unwaveringly your own.

if you don't want to wear something,

you don't have to,

you can dress to match your mood,

the occasion, 

the season,

or (most often) the weather.

when things start to spin out of control,

i think it's important hold on to anything that's just yours.

even if it's small.

even if it only makes sense to you.

even if it's all you have.

it's yours.

p.s.

doubt is an amazing movie. end of story.

i sold my soul to jesus and since then i've had no fun.

the new year has gotten off to a rather positive start for the most part;

not to mention oozing laura marling.

on the 15th i go to chicago 

(and i've made appropriate wardrobe purchases for the occasion)

on the 16th i will officially no longer work at best buy

(maybe my soul will finally get time to recuperate 

from the slow steady crushing it's had to endure in the past months.)

who knows what comes next.

but i am hoping for something big in 2009;

even jesus would say i'm due for something good.

good riddance 2008.

p.s.

this is my first post of 2009

and my 100th post thus far.

why not celebrate it by looking back at the past year and change?

it's what i did.

oh and p.p.s

these are the things i bought for the trip;

(in case you were wondering)

they very well may be the best purchases i've made to date.

no your eyes are not playing tricks on you,

it is a purple cropped trench coat.

(and i have the only one in all of america)

you don't really care for music; do you?

obligatory christmas blog!!!

or should i say o-blog-itory?

i shouldn't.

i went to my brother's again for dinner this year,

we played board/dvd/shouting-at-the-television-over-one-another games,

my nephews and brothers told jokes only people that love them would laugh at.

per usual.

it wasn't terrible,

but it wasn't terrific.

per usual.

i'm excited for the days when i'll spend my holidays with friends at our apartments,

i feel like the year that i have thanksgiving at my house is the year i'll be truly grown up.

ahh future, how you tease me.

so as i head off to bed;

 (i have to be at work at 7 in the morning)

i'll leave you with this my lovelies

i'm on the 7 o'clock to chicago

i need to return two vests and a trench coat to forever 21.

also 

on the 15th of january i'm going to CHICAGO!

in other news:

i have two five hour layovers

(one on the flight to chicago, one on the way back)

so i'll have to come up with 10 hours of shit to do in an airport...

yay?

p.s.

my flight is actually at 6:45.

i'm gonna fix my mind with a final destination.

about a week ago i recognized a few things within myself,

that i think i've known for a while,

but have never admitted,

i've found i can't - don't explain myself well,

who i am, what i want, what i'm feeling, et-cetera.

i keep it all inside,

and when i finally do talk,

i say far too much.

i expect people to know things,

bits of information about me, 

random truths, illustrating the person i've become,

things that i have no business expecting anyone to know.

i find myself waiting for the person who will pose questions no one considered asking.

you know me well, you know me better than this.

i'm up far too early for this sales meeting thing.

i'm deep in a sea of meiko.

i've come to terms with the fact that i should have never been friends with david in the first place.

i bought a new super thick vest for chicago.

(to be worn when layering of course)

it's 24 degrees there right now, and i can't wait for january.

twilight was an amazing movie,

(cinematically speaking it was good, 

but the hopeless romantic in me just loved the outpouring of honest emotion)

if i don't get my clothes out of the dryer and leave in the next 15 minutes i'm going to be late.

there's a soulmate for everyone

while going through some things i found my favorite socks.

to answer your completely justified question,

i bought two pair of argyle socks,

5 years ago at a hot topic,

 about 50 miles south of my current location,

the right yellow one now has a hole in it, 

but i liked them tremendous amounts,

so i wear the left yellow one,

and then the green right one as a stand in.

i know what you're thinking,

and yes, 

i do have an affliction to random things,

ridiculous objects and articles of clothing that no one would ever need.

exhibits a-j:

in no particular order

two of these items are from the women's section,

but i don't give a fuck, 

cause they're adorable.

but you'd know all this if you kept up with my wishlist,

located on my profile page...

p.s.

i tried changing a bunch of things on the blog,

(font, colors, layouts)

but i hated all the new stuff,

it's back to the way it was,

if you visited the blog between 2-6 yesterday

then you saw the difference,

and i'm sure you understand the decision.

what happens in my head stays in my head.

i'm watching What's Up, Doc? 

it is now my second favorite babs (barbara streisand) movie,

the first of course being Yentl.

i've decided that i'm going to get an '06 Saturn VUE

because it gets incredible gas milage as far as SUVs are concerned;

and also because, i dislike the recent remodel

in other news, the next city i live in will be chicago,

at the very least it will be the next city i visit.

i've been thinking a lot lately

a nasty habit i've taken up due to all this free time

and i decided that for a few months i'll work in town

i've been promised assistance getting the aforementioned VUE if i do this,

it will be really nice to live 5 minutes away from where i work.

if only for a short while.

then, once i have a vehicle i know can make the 30 minute drive,

i'll get that job at urban.

i say that like i'm the only thing standing between myself and a job there.

this post was much more interesting in my head,

although on the page it's just as informative.

so, i'll throw in some toothpaste for dinner,

and maybe something from a softer world if you play your cards right.

you: "where am i supposed to get cards?"

me: "don't you have any cards?"

you: "no... well maybe, but i'd have to go find them."

me: "well i can't do everything for you."

you: "i don't much care for you attitude."

me: "well no one is twisting your arm to stay here."

you: "this is going nowhere."

me: "then just go down and look at the pictures already."

you: "well i never."

me: "well now you have."

worst news caster ever.

p.s.

i might be going to paris with natalie and caitlin,

if one ofrall of us wins the lottery because those ticket prices are STEEP.

it would be super amazing if we could go.

p.p.s.

natalie and caitlin, i'm super excited to talk to you tomorrow 

all face to face and junk.

it's gonna be great, i'm sure of it.

sorry in advance for avril lavigne/leonalewis/whatever-i-decide lip synch

p.p.p.s.

this is a first,

i'm rereading the 6th harry potter book 

instead of the 7th 

because the movie is coming out in one hundred twelve days.

i have a countdown thing on my computer

i'm no where near that creepy...

well, not about harry potter.

i keep them in a box under my bed.

i'll have you know,

i'm going to do a "100 things found in my apartment" video,

as i've been packing and unpacking things,

i'm amazed by the things i'm finding.

ridiculous, hilarious, inappropriate things...

(update)

too bad you'll have to wait a year to find out just how inappropriate.