i am a weapon of massive consumption...

but it's not my fault it's how i'm programmed to function.

okay so, 

i'm only halfway through 

and i'm sure i've eaten at LEAST 

three times as many sprinkles and white chocolate chips 

as i have vanilla fro-yo.

i have a serious problem. 

p.s.

i got my final paycheck from banana republic in the mail yesterday and i'm going to BUUUUUY SHIIIIIT!!!

(i started with pre-ordering the new lily allen album)

that is all.

i'm in a love affair, without a love song.

i have an appointment for mitchell tomorrow,

i can't believe i've been without his lap warming embrace for over a week.

(or a sentiment that isn't totally creepy)

coat watch 01'09 starts monday,

you don't know how much i'm looking forward to this

(well you kind of do now)

a lot of people don't understand my relationship with clothing,

but of all the things you have no power over,

your clothing is something that is unwaveringly your own.

if you don't want to wear something,

you don't have to,

you can dress to match your mood,

the occasion, 

the season,

or (most often) the weather.

when things start to spin out of control,

i think it's important hold on to anything that's just yours.

even if it's small.

even if it only makes sense to you.

even if it's all you have.

it's yours.

p.s.

doubt is an amazing movie. end of story.

give me something i want to be: retro glamour.

i've had an epiphany,

a fashion epiphany.

i find all i can think about is this monogram coat

after working at h&m and banana republic,

i've noticed my tastes have changed,

my obsessions have gone from cute hoodies and boot cut jeans...

to waist, pea, and trench coats.

(both double breasted and macintosh)

i'm not upset about it per say,

it's actually really exciting.

the only problem...

the coat pictured above costs FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

so there's that.

f.y.i.

i care about natalie and caitlin more than you know.

you say my name like there should be an "us".

so i officially talked to natalie and caitlin a couple nights ago on ichat,

it was nothing short of FANTASTIC.

i might have to move my chicago relocation up a few years,

because it's getting to the point where, if i don't get to hang out with them in person i might die.

and i'd like to have that not happen.

in other news i had my interview for urban outfitters today,

i think it went tremendously well.

it was great because not only did they seem impressed that i've worked at h&m and banana republic,

but since i was already halfway down there, i got to go see david for a few hours,

and since it's been months now, that was uber superb.

i will be putting up another video tomorrow... 

i know, i know i keep saying that, but mitchell is being a complete cunt,

and refuses to cooperate in the video making process,

so i'm going over his head and i'll have lucy do it instead...

that being said i apologize in advance if the video records in sepia.

p.s.

i'm almost done with are you there vodka? it's me chelsea

 

p.p.s.

i realize that book titles should be underlined but blogspot is not giving me that option.

i'm hot, you're cold, you go around, like you know.

but you have no idea.

you may have been to a pride lately, 

but san francisco pride is a BEAST!

never in my life have a seen more penis outlines.

never.

in.

my.

life.

p.s.

jennifer schmohe, i am deeply sorry i missed your call.

i would have loved nothing more than to spend time with the two of you.

also please listen to your voicemail, where i explain the situation.

all good things end badly, if they ever end at all...

i got to hang out with tessa in san francisco for a few hours today.

i also picked up my first pay check from the republic today,

it was amazing, well it was 200 bucks, 

but that was just for orientation and the meetings and classes they have you go to.

with it i bought a super cute shirt and food at the wolfgang puck cafe in macy's

then i came home and made a video,

after which...

i started packing.

it's kinda sad, but all in all i know it's for the best, 

and it helps that i'll be back up here soon, once my dad gets back on his feet

(literally and figuratively)

also, the last few months before college all i wanted to do was sleep,

and strangle both my parents

so it'll be nice to go home and be with them for a while.

the first couple weeks that i'll be in victorville my parents will be on vacation.

so i'm greatly anticipating hanging out with everyone i haven't seen in ages.

my first order of business is take melissa to bullwinkle's family fun center, 

or somewhere equally as lame and fantastic.

it will have a photobooth somewhere on the premises,

there will be pictures taken,

games will be played,

causing tickets to be won,

and then redeemed for ridiculously unnecessary superfluous items.

to put it simply fun will be had.

get ready bitches!

"put cho sneakers on." no thank you.

really vanessa hudgens?


really?


i have another full shift in the republic tomorrow.
and two new videos up on youtube.
view it up bitches.

i say that with love, of course.

my feelings are nothing but a curtain, hiding me from what i should know.

first day over.





jesus my feet hurt.




thankfully regina spektor heals all wounds.
charlotte sometimes may have played a part.


i know i haven't been posting as often lately,
that's because i've been making videos instead of writing.
i'm trying to strike a balance,
this is why i had so many problems with my journal follow through.


honestly i feel amazing being working in the city,
at such an amazing store;
i thought it would never happen
it's kind of a dream come true.


does that mean what i want is more important than what i know i need?

unfortunately i don't think so.

then we ate some orange tic-tacs after

my first non-official-but-still-getting-paid-for-it day was a non-tragedy

when they brought up the dress code and how we can't wear denim,

it was a little awkward because i was wearing banana republic jeans

excuse me, banana republic denim dress trousers

but apparently no matter how fancily you name them, you can't wear them to work

i'd be upset if they weren't the most fantastic pair of denim dress trousers i'd ever tried on.

i haven't said anything about it yet, 

but i might be going back to victorville

that's not true, 

i am for sure going back to victorville, 

but i'm not sure when

i know that i want to go back to be with my parents,

especially now that my dad's having all this weirdness with his diabetes.

and it also wouldn't hurt to be able to save up bunches of money in the process.

but i know that i can't stay for too long.

1) because i think living rent free for too long would ruin me

2) and because i can't watch then completely deteriorate

and i know that's gross and selfish, but it's the truth

i want to make some meaningful memories with them,

before i get too old and living at home is just sad, ha.

and that way i'll have good memories, when i think about living with them.

the whole situation was weird my senior year, 

i just wanted to get out, 

and they just wanted to spend all their time with me.

it wasn't exactly an evenly matched situation,

but if i go home to help out and all that jazz, 

then i'll be ale to enjoy time with them, 

and after a while i can come back.

this is made tricky by the fact i haven't had an official shift with banana republic yet,

and david already requested time off from forever 21 corporate for july.

so we'll see how things work out,

but i couldn't keep updating this thing without saying that.

every time i put up a new post i'd have to figure out a way to avoid the subject.

and then sitting here i realized that i started this whole thing so that i could be honest.

so i'm saying it now, and i'll update my departure plans in later posts.

right under my feet is air made of bricks

so, i'm uber excited about my first un-official-but-still-getting-paid-for-it day.

but

 it feels like it's a fucking month away.

i thought i'd do fine with the waiting; when Fevi called me i was actually kind of relieved, but now i can't stand it.

i've been sleeping far too infrequently, so when i do manage to fall into a slumber it's for an inordinate amount of time;

 which is upsetting. 

hurry thursday, hurry fast.

i am extraordinary, if you'd ever get to know me

working nine to five, what a way to make a living

well, not exactly.

today was supposed to be my first non-official-but-still-getting-paid-for-it day at banana republic,

but then while i was at target 

(because where else would i be?)

i got a call, or should i say, missed a call from the hiring manager.

she said that there was no one to teach the orientation class

i secretly think that they just didn't want to miss the sex and the city midnight showing

cause we were going to cut it pretty close.

and that it would be rescheduled to next thursday.

which i'm totally fine with honestly;

because if today were both my first day at banana 

and 

the day i went to the midnight showing of the sex and the city movie...

my brain might have exploded and come out my nose in strings.

also,

in reference to the blog, 

i know i've been posting a lot lately but, 

one: a lot has been going on in my life lately, and i think the blog should reflect that.

two: once i get my job i think i'll be blogging less, so i want to preemptively make up for my absence;

even though i'm fairly certain that only like two people read this thing.

regardless of the number of readers, this is more for my sanity than anything else,

so there's that.

now back to the stalling, so i don't go crazy with anticipation.

i'm far too gay for my own good.

it started out as a feeling, which then turned into a hope

i know, i know

two posts in one day...

"who do i think i am?"

well i'll tell you who i think i am,

some one who just now got an official job offer from 

banana republic!

that's right bitches, i'm officially no longer unemployed

my orientation is on thursday from 5-9!

which i get paid for...

suck on that hennes & mauritz

oh and p.s.

this means i get 60% off banana republic merchandise,

50% off everything at the gap,

and 40% off stuff at old navy. (i'll probably never use this one, but whatever, i can if i want to)

oh, i almost forgot about the 45% i get off at all gap and banana republic outlet stores

i think journey said it best, 

don't stop believing,

suck it hard h&m!

that's not journey, but i still think it's totally valid.

the best part of believe in the lie

i had my job interview with banana republic yesterday and i keep going over it in my head. But it's strange, as i was sitting in traffic on my way home afterwards, i couldn't shake the feeling that maybe, by being optimistic about it, i'm jinxing it. Making it so that my expectations for an event become so high that any outcome won't be good enough. I have this fear about both my personal and professional relationships.

Maybe it isn't advisable to be an optimist after a certain number of horrible events befall you. Maybe pessimism is something we have to start applying daily... Otherwise, how do you bounce back when reality batters your belief system and love does not, as promised conquer all? Is hope a drug we need to go off of? Or is it keeping us alive?

What's the harm in believing?

and furthermore...

What if, what I think I should be doing is driving me to think this way? Is should another disease plaguing society? Do I want a degree and a "career"? Or do i think i should have a degree and a "career"?

How do we separate what we could do from what i should do? And here's a disturbing thought, it's not just peer pressure, it seems to be coming from within.

Why are we "should-ing" all over ourselves?