who would you rather be?

-one-

starting monday morning

(six in the morning to be exact)

i am a visual merchandiser for forever21!!!

just typing that out is blowing my mind.

-two-

i bought this coat 

but it needs new buttons, 

because i love it;

but i'm not in love with it... yet.

i'll be going through my button collection for the next few days and we'll see what happens from there.

-three-

because this is a "good news, bad news" situation,

and you got the good stuff first.

it seems as though, 

just as everything has started to go right;

my mother has decided to purposely punish me for doing well outside of college.

more on that later...

i'm a creep, and i'm a weirdo.

i've always thought that new year's resolutions where mostly bullshit,

i figure, if you want something to change, 

then you shouldn't need some number on a calendar 

to get you to participate in your life.

so last year i made several life resolutions

any time over the past year i've thought of things i want to change,

i'll make a mental note to insure i take steps towards a resolution;

at the end of last month i made a few wardrobe resolutions.

1. BOLD color choices 

  a) color blocking

  b) make sure to cover "the primaries"

2. STRUCTURE

  a) fitted blazers

  b) trench coats

  c) A CAPE 

and 3. ACCESSORIES

  a) scarves

  b) rosaries (i have a strange if not unfounded obsession with catseye rosaries)

  c) bags

since making said resolutions;

i've purchased: 

a burgundy cardigan, 

six scarves (green, red, orange, purple, white, and yellow),

heather grey and mahogany blazers,

a white flat collar shawl cardigan,

a casual herringbone jacket,

and a black and white patterned vest.

oh and these...

they are seven pair for 5.50 and i LOVE them

i gave all i could, but it wasn't good enough

i'm writing this now 

i'm writing this now 

only because, honestly 

i have no idea what to write as a follow up to the last post.

i find myself lying awake, just before i go to sleep,

listening to "the saddest song in the world",

and all i can do is think about what i wrote,

how i feel and all i can seem to think about.

i don't know what it is, 

but lately i just can't live in the "now"

it's borderline crippling.

don't get me wrong;

i love my new job,

i love my friends,

i love people i work with kind of, mostly,

and i know that things could be a lot worse,

but i DESPISE "it could be worse"

by that logic, anything can sound good,

you have all these people telling you just think,

if that truck had merged a half a second earlier you could be dead,

well, if it had merged a half a second later i could be living in my studio apartment,

working at my dream job in san francisco.

so please no "it could be worse"

it is how it is.

i guess i just need some time to adjust;

this january made it a full year,

and it's taking a whole lot longer than i bargained for.

on the bright side,

now i can finally blog about something,

without worrying about a weird segway.

be careful with your heart

so this youtube sitch... 

(thank you kim possible)

i'm trying to work it out,

when i do they'll be two new videos up,

both of questionable quality,

but that's nothing new.

in other news

because until recently 

i never considered that people reading this 

wouldn't automatically watch the videos 

and thus don't give two shits about how many i'll be uploading

when i was making more icons for the blog,

i started thinking about the things i want to display,

and i thought how i only want things that really matter,

then it brought me back to why i started this in the first place,

it was for me,

because i needed something,

someplace to write all of the things i think.

so for the most part this will be the last post that regularly mentions videos separately,

from now on it's only how they affect me.

that being said, 

i'm going to be writing more personal things,

they won't always be funny,

they won't always make you feel better when you've finished reading them,

but they will be completely honest.

for the first time in my life,

i need to something for myself,

with out worrying about what other people will think.

that's why i started this,

so that's how i'm going to keep it going.

the videos are going to stay the same,

because i'm not a big heap of emotion all the time,

but when i am i have to know that i have someplace to put my thoughts.

they say that the internet is a horrible place to meet people,

because you only see what they want you to see,

that was true for me.

until now.

i keep them in a box under my bed.

i'll have you know,

i'm going to do a "100 things found in my apartment" video,

as i've been packing and unpacking things,

i'm amazed by the things i'm finding.

ridiculous, hilarious, inappropriate things...

(update)

too bad you'll have to wait a year to find out just how inappropriate.