the sweeping insensitivity of this still life

tonight my car was stolen,

out of our driveway,

while i was in my room,

less than five yards away.

happy fucking halloween.

this thing it breaks my heart

music is worthless unless it can make a completely stranger break down and cry...

it's only just started, but you can't be close enough unless i'm feeling your heartbeat...

creep up and tell me that you love me more each time you look into my eyes...

my feelings are nothing but a curtain, hiding me from what i should know...

the people i've met are the wonders of my world...

by protecting my heart truly i got lost in the sound...

your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures...

everything is going to be okay someday soon...

these songs they plague me more than i can say...

all is fair in love and we're in love...

the rain cam pouring down and now i'm drowning in my tears...

the state lane felt like the berlin wall and there is no doubt about which side i'm on...

have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?

i don't need anybody telling me that i can...

i best tidy up my head i'm the only one in love...

i've been trying to be anything other than me...

i look to you for saving but you're saving someone else...

your eyes tell a whole other story...

close to the edge, fall into my arms, fall in love...

i'll cover us both, you can leave that to me...

everyone inside the mechanism is yearning to get out...

i long for something more than you, i long for something more than me in my head...

the best part of believe is the lie...

the world can spin so madly, and love can end so badly...

we've both got blood on our hands, i won't claim innocence...

don't you feed me lies about some idealistic future...

you look half dead half the time...

finish what you started...

the take over the sweeping insensitivity of this still life...

all good things end badly, if they ever end at all...

i hear in my mind all these voices, all these words, all this music, and it breaks my heart...

my fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation, and i know that i should let go, but i can't...

these words did not come from me,

they came from the brains of people much greater than myself,

they came accompanied by melodies and choruses,

they came to me and made me feel,

they came to me and were there when i needed them most,

so now i'm doing the only logical thing i can think of,

i'm offering them to you.

i learned fast how to keep my head up

you should know that you're just a temporary fix,

this is not rooted with you,

it don't mean that much to me.

i'm over it,

i'm so not over it,

but i've resigned myself to the idea,

that i will no longer let myself go to a place,

where i allow him to upset me so much.

things are the way they are,

and there's nothing i can really do,

nothing productive anyway.

i've got a job interview on the 5th

and an orientation on the 8th.

things are looking up.

but...

although i think that i know things may never change,

i'm still hoping someday i might here you say:

i make you feel a way you've never felt before,

and i'm all you need and that you never want more,

then you'll say all of the right things without a clue,

and you'll be the one for me and me the one for you.

p.s.

mistakes aren't always regrets.

p.p.s.

i cannot wait for garlic bread and laughter.

you're lost even when you're gong the right

last night i had a dream.

i drove for hours and finally told him,

i never want to forget.

he said he knew what i meant,

that things would be different,

he would be honest,

and things would be better.

i was wearing this jacket.

we were together at this place i've never been to before.

and we were glowing.

he said all the right things.

i was never at a loss for words.

we talked for hours.

then i woke up.

cold and alone.

p.s.

tonight, i can't sleep.

we'd be good, we'd be great together.

i think i may love him...

why'd you have be so cute?

it's impossible to ignore you.

must you make me laugh so much?

it's bad enough we get along so well.

goddamnit

what if you never, ever called.

it's been a good few days,

i got a job,

a new phone,

a hard drive,

and a car stereo,

all for my birthday.

i'm officially 19 bee tee double you,

at least on the outside,

on the inside i'm still a slightly immature 28 year old.

just because i'm amazed by it,

i'll show you this...

my cell phone made that shit.

if you're amazed,

then i feel the same way you do.

if you're not,

then there's something wrong with you,

p.s.

i peed in a cup today.

that is all.