i'm hot, you're cold, you go around, like you know.

but you have no idea.

you may have been to a pride lately, 

but san francisco pride is a BEAST!

never in my life have a seen more penis outlines.

never.

in.

my.

life.

p.s.

jennifer schmohe, i am deeply sorry i missed your call.

i would have loved nothing more than to spend time with the two of you.

also please listen to your voicemail, where i explain the situation.

i just gotta let it go.

so i'm newly addicted to priscilla ahn.

she's amazing like you have no idea.

also, for some reason she's renewed my obsession with adele adkins,

which doesn't really make any kind of sense, but i'll talk it.

i'm reading looking for alaska, well that and the elle for july with mary-kate.

i just made a video response to christianity in a nutshell by tyler oakley

i'm pretty happy with it,

we'll see how other people feel about it.

all good things end badly, if they ever end at all...

i got to hang out with tessa in san francisco for a few hours today.

i also picked up my first pay check from the republic today,

it was amazing, well it was 200 bucks, 

but that was just for orientation and the meetings and classes they have you go to.

with it i bought a super cute shirt and food at the wolfgang puck cafe in macy's

then i came home and made a video,

after which...

i started packing.

it's kinda sad, but all in all i know it's for the best, 

and it helps that i'll be back up here soon, once my dad gets back on his feet

(literally and figuratively)

also, the last few months before college all i wanted to do was sleep,

and strangle both my parents

so it'll be nice to go home and be with them for a while.

the first couple weeks that i'll be in victorville my parents will be on vacation.

so i'm greatly anticipating hanging out with everyone i haven't seen in ages.

my first order of business is take melissa to bullwinkle's family fun center, 

or somewhere equally as lame and fantastic.

it will have a photobooth somewhere on the premises,

there will be pictures taken,

games will be played,

causing tickets to be won,

and then redeemed for ridiculously unnecessary superfluous items.

to put it simply fun will be had.

get ready bitches!

workin' 8:30 to 6:15, what a way to make a living.

i am officially in love with steven, from stevieproductions.

not in a would-want-to-date-or-have-sex-with-him kind of way.

but in a we-should-totally-be-internet-best-friends style.

that being said, if he ever reads this, i'll be forced to vehemently deny that i was the creator of this post.

these wounds are self inflicted.

i'm not even sure gamma radiation would do anything...

by the way,
it's official,
i'll be back in victorville on the 6th.

get ready for some awesomeness bitches.

"put cho sneakers on." no thank you.

really vanessa hudgens?


really?


i have another full shift in the republic tomorrow.
and two new videos up on youtube.
view it up bitches.

i say that with love, of course.

f is for friends who do stuff together.

"idk, like i thought she'd be really cool
but then i found out she's bat-shit crazy.

Like, she looks like the kind of person
who sits in their room
& tapes shit to her face."

my friends are better than yours.


U is for you and me,

N is for anywhere and anytime at all, down here in the deep blue sea.


nuff said.

my feelings are nothing but a curtain, hiding me from what i should know.

first day over.





jesus my feet hurt.




thankfully regina spektor heals all wounds.
charlotte sometimes may have played a part.


i know i haven't been posting as often lately,
that's because i've been making videos instead of writing.
i'm trying to strike a balance,
this is why i had so many problems with my journal follow through.


honestly i feel amazing being working in the city,
at such an amazing store;
i thought it would never happen
it's kind of a dream come true.


does that mean what i want is more important than what i know i need?

unfortunately i don't think so.

then we ate some orange tic-tacs after

my first non-official-but-still-getting-paid-for-it day was a non-tragedy

when they brought up the dress code and how we can't wear denim,

it was a little awkward because i was wearing banana republic jeans

excuse me, banana republic denim dress trousers

but apparently no matter how fancily you name them, you can't wear them to work

i'd be upset if they weren't the most fantastic pair of denim dress trousers i'd ever tried on.

i haven't said anything about it yet, 

but i might be going back to victorville

that's not true, 

i am for sure going back to victorville, 

but i'm not sure when

i know that i want to go back to be with my parents,

especially now that my dad's having all this weirdness with his diabetes.

and it also wouldn't hurt to be able to save up bunches of money in the process.

but i know that i can't stay for too long.

1) because i think living rent free for too long would ruin me

2) and because i can't watch then completely deteriorate

and i know that's gross and selfish, but it's the truth

i want to make some meaningful memories with them,

before i get too old and living at home is just sad, ha.

and that way i'll have good memories, when i think about living with them.

the whole situation was weird my senior year, 

i just wanted to get out, 

and they just wanted to spend all their time with me.

it wasn't exactly an evenly matched situation,

but if i go home to help out and all that jazz, 

then i'll be ale to enjoy time with them, 

and after a while i can come back.

this is made tricky by the fact i haven't had an official shift with banana republic yet,

and david already requested time off from forever 21 corporate for july.

so we'll see how things work out,

but i couldn't keep updating this thing without saying that.

every time i put up a new post i'd have to figure out a way to avoid the subject.

and then sitting here i realized that i started this whole thing so that i could be honest.

so i'm saying it now, and i'll update my departure plans in later posts.

right under my feet is air made of bricks

so, i'm uber excited about my first un-official-but-still-getting-paid-for-it day.

but

 it feels like it's a fucking month away.

i thought i'd do fine with the waiting; when Fevi called me i was actually kind of relieved, but now i can't stand it.

i've been sleeping far too infrequently, so when i do manage to fall into a slumber it's for an inordinate amount of time;

 which is upsetting. 

hurry thursday, hurry fast.