why aren't you sorry?

so it's official,
i have no best friend.

i don't want to make it sound like i'm totally crushed,
because i'm not,
honestly i've been looking for a way out for a while.

i guess i didn't think that i'd get one,
i thought maybe he'd listen for once,
but three years and over 900 conversations,
and he won't answer the phone.

the truth is,
he wasn't there,
all i needed was someone to listen,
and when i told him about my dad,
about how i didn't think i could keep going,
not like this,
and he asked if going to in-n-out twice in one week was a bad idea.

i can't be a part of that anymore.
i don't have any more to give.
for these last 12 months i've given up so much.

a piece of me went to the college,
where i was forced into a life where i had no say,
some went to the apartment,
where i found out a gas leak almost killed myself and tessa,
a big part went to the driver of that delivery truck,
the one that changed who i was, and stole the one thing i had that was just mine and no one else's,
and the last of it went to this town,
that's slowly taking everything else.


i'm glad i'm out.